Wisconsin Man Gets Locked In Beer Cooler, Starts Drinking

Jeremy Van Ert, 38, drank one beer and three malt liquors while locked in a convenience store’s beer cooler. Photo credit: Wood County Jail

Laugh out loud! This guy is brilliant. For most people, being locked overnight in a convenience store’s beer cooler would be cause for panic. For this Wisconsin man, it was cause to start drinking.

 According to Fox News– Police in the town of Marshfield say Jeremy Van Ert, 38, walked into the local Kwik Trip convenience store Tuesday night to buy some beer. However, Van Ert became trapped in the store’s walk-in cooler at midnight, when its lock automatically engaged.

Marshfield police Chief Rick Gramza told WAOW that Van Ert “knew that Kwik Trip would not sell him any beer, so he decided to remain in the beer cooler.

Van Ert remained in the cooler until 6 a.m. Wednesday, when a customer noticed him and alerted employees. Van Ert fled the store after he was let out.

According to the police report, Van Ert drank an 18-oz. bottle of Icehouse beer and three cans of Four Loko. He also fell over a stack of Busch Light 30-pack cases, breaking three of them open.

Van Ert was cited for theft and he reportedly was being held in the Wood County Jail on a probation hold from an unrelated case.

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Kenyan Man Has 3 Foot Long Penis Removed

For most men being “well endowed” is a well welcomed gift that keeps on giving. For this guy a 3 foot penis was just too much for him to bare.

Via NY Post– A Kenyan man with a 3-foot penis and 11 pound testicles is finally getting the chance to live a normal life — now that his massive package has been surgically reduced, reports said.

Horace Owiti Opiyo, known as Forence, first noticed a cyst on his genitals back in 2006 and had it removed — but it came back with a vengeance a year later, bringing the length of his penis to almost a meter, the Mirror reported.

The 20-year-old was forced to drop out of school and didn’t have the money to pay for surgery. He tried to use herbal remedies to help his condition but they didn’t work, the outlet said.

He started to believe he’d been cursed.

Forence said:

“I told my grandmother that I have been infected by a disease, but I’m not sure what it is. It could be a curse. I knew this was not God’s work, but the devil’s.” 

The condition can actually be caused from a mosquito biting and injecting larvae into the bloodstream, which can develop into parasitic worms that block the body’s drainage system and cause swelling.

Forence’s neighbor put his story on social media and it quickly went viral, garnering the attention of a local governor’s wife, who ordered a doctor to inspect him.

He was given two operations to reduce the size of the scrotum and rebuild the penis so it can be used, and he couldn’t be more relieved.

Forence said after the surgery:

“When I got up, I was surprised that my body was so light. All the heaviness had gone … I’m swimming now. I couldn’t go anywhere near the water because of the heaviness of that thing. Now I can run and I can play football.”

Forence’s scrotum is still functional and he hopes to start a family — but for now, he said, his first priority is an education.

“I’m free! … Who knows what will happen in the future?”

Florida Man Kills Man Over His Imaginary Girlfriend

A Florida man gunned down his mother’s friend because he believed the man was flirting with his girlfriend –who does not exist.

Unimaginable.

According to the AJC– Brian Desario, 30, walked into the garage of a home where his mother, her boyfriend and another friend were hanging out and accused a man, identified as 56-year-old David Armstrong, of flirting with his girlfriend. He then fatally shot Armstrong, who was pronounced dead at the scene.

Pasco County Sheriff Chris Nocco said that Desario suffered from mental illness. 

The suspect, Brian Desario, believed that the mom’s friend; who is the victim in this case, was trying to pick up Brian’s girlfriend and hit on Brian’s girlfriend,” Nocco said after the incident. “Please note, Brian does not have a girlfriend. In his mind, he did. But, in reality, he didn’t.”

Following the shooting, Desario began walking toward the nearby Gulf Highlands Elementary School, pointing his gun at the building. The school was immediately put on lockdown, and no children were harmed. When police arrived, Desario opened fire on two deputies, initiating a 10-minute shootout, during which he was killed.

Lawmakers Brawl In Uganda Parliament Over Presidential Age Limit

Ugandan politicians went to war for 2 days straight in a WWE tag team style brawl over the country’s presidential age limit.

Reuters — Lawmakers brawled in Uganda’s parliament for a second day running on Wednesday over a fiercely disputed move to change the constitution to let long-ruling President Yoweri Museveni run for re-election after age 75.

MPs exchanged blows and kicks, with some using microphone stands as crude weapons in the melee, and at least two female lawmakers were carried out of the chamber after collapsing, a Reuters journalist on the scene said.

At least 25 MPs opposed to the proposed constitutional amendment to prolong Museveni’s tenure were forcibly ejected on orders of the speaker for involvement in fighting on Tuesday. All other like-minded MPs then walked out.

After calm returned, ruling party MP Raphael Magyezi introduced the contested motion authorizing parliament to draft and present a bill that would lift the constitution’s age cap on presidential candidates.

Under the existing constitution, eligibility to stand as a presidential candidate in the East African country has an age ceiling of 75.

That makes Museveni, 73, in power since 1986 and increasingly accused of authoritarianism and a failure to curb corruption, unqualified to seek re-election at the next polls in 2021. Removing the age cap would erase that barrier.

Smh, clearly the US isn’t the only country that has ahem… “president probs.” 

It’s really shameful that politicians and lawmakers can’t seem to come together and do their jobs without pure hellfire and brimstone unleashing. It’s unfortunate that they don’t seem as concerned about helping the people as they do “flexing their power” among each other, meanwhile WE THE PEOPLE are casualties of the war.


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